Many events can create stress in children. Parents and caregivers strive to make meaning of stressful events in their lives, so they are better able to comfort their children. Families are often a child’s primary source of comfort. Here are some tips to help parents and caregivers support kids affected by stress.
Children respond well to clear facts targeted to their age level. They will often feel the stress of adults, which can produce stress in them. They will be aware of unusual activities happening in the world that they may not fully understand. Factual information from you will help them think about and process events. Ask them if they understand the things you tell them and explain until they are clear.
Kids need to know you are there for them, so they don’t feel they are alone. They benefit from the reassurance that you are there to support them. Tell them all the time so they remember that they can come to you for help. Children can never have too much reassurance when they are going through stress.
You do not have to go it alone. Ask trusted people about how you can help support your child who is going through stress. Finding a person on the sidelines to support you and your child and cheer you on can be invaluable.
Children can bottle things inside. Remembering to focus on daily experiences helps your child know that there are different things to focus on besides a stressful event, both good and bad. Normalizing daily activities can help keep children grounded in the present. Sometimes a simple question can get kids thinking and talking about other things that are going on in their world. Their responses may also give a glimpse into whether stress is affecting their functioning in other settings. Having an outlet to discuss subjects other than the stressful circumstance can help them feel better.
Listening is as important as talking. When children start talking about their feelings – listen. Don’t interrupt or correct. Don’t criticize. Help kids feel ok to be vulnerable by letting them express feelings without shame.
Doing something fun and light is an excellent way to relieve stress. Set up an unexpected event to distract children from overwhelming feelings and circumstances. A unique activity can make happy moments even in distressing situations. Just as adults benefit from ‘me time’ by watching a movie or taking a walk in the park, children also benefit from a break from their day-to-day routine. Plan something fun to share.
During stressful times, routines help children to have a sense of normalcy. Keep family routines such as meals and sleep stable and predictable as much as possible. Don’t worry if you can’t maintain the exact strict routines you followed before the stressful event! Different conditions sometimes require different responses. Your routine may have changed or become more demanding. It’s ok to take some of the pressure off of yourself and do things differently. Children will adjust. Try to follow the other suggestions listed here to support them if things get chaotic.
Taking care of YOU is taking care of your child. Get lots of rest, build and use your support system, get a breath of fresh air on the porch, and don’t pressure yourself to do everything and be everything for everyone. Stressful times can make us feel like we are not accomplishing as much as we would like. It sometimes takes all the energy we have just to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Praise yourself for all you are able to do. Give yourself positive feedback. You are very important to your family and to the world. Remember that.
